Valentine’s Day Cards, from Night Vale.
1: “If I could choose a person and our fates were not mandated by the city council, I’d choose you to survive Valentine’s Day.”
2. “I have nothing pleasant to wish you. This is a gory, bloody day. Why is it mandated that we send these?!”
3. “I’m sorry your family member and or loved one was my Valentine.”
4. “Roses are red, have sharp fangs, and venom sacks. Violets are outlawed by the city council. Huddle in terror with me?”
Totally printing these out and giving them to people :D